I am happy. It’s actually been a long time since I was able to say that with absolute sincerity. Before I moved to Texas, I couldn’t say it ever. Not truly. Sure, I had moments of happiness, even joy. When I got married, when I gave birth to each of my children, and moments interspersed in there. But I couldn’t say I had true, lasting, day to day happiness. I’ve never had a job I loved long enough to really enjoy it, and the few months that I had jobs that I loved, there was something else that always overrode the happiness I wanted to feel. When I was in Alaska it was the lack of medication and that thought that if I ran away I could find happiness. When I worked at the dermatology office in Utah, it was the wrong meds and the intense desire to be someone I wasn’t.
Now I’m in Texas. I love where I am, I love my in-laws that I live with, though I do look forward to the day when my family can get out of their hair :). I have the most amazing husband and two adorable kids and look forward to when we can make that three amazing kids. I’m loving my job and my coworkers are incredible. I’m on the right medications and I really love who I am right now.
As I’ve said before, I remember being suicidal, I remember being so depressed I couldn’t function. But I’m past all that. It gets better. No matter where you are in life, it gets better. It will even get better from where I’m at right now. And I look forward to seeing that come to fruition.