When I first came home from my mission, I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure what I needed. I didn’t really want to be home and I really didn’t want to be back on my mission. So, in reality, I didn’t want to be anywhere. It was a really hard time for me, as I’m sure it would be for anyone in my position. To top it off, I was supposed to be getting help with the depression I apparently had. My parents hadn’t understood, my friends were just confused, and the guy I liked evidently thought that the real reason I’d come home was because I was bulimic (I wasn’t).
The only thing that kept me mustering through was God’s love for me and his promise of a better life. Likely, I’ll only be posting once a week, but I wanted to, on this Easter, share the amazing gift that the gospel has given me. And you. Love.
This day commemorates the day that Jesus Christ rose from the tomb. The final part of his atonement that makes it possible for us to live again someday. But that’s actually, oddly, not what I want to focus on.
I want to focus on last Thursday, which we generally don’t even think about, but would commemorate the day Jesus Christ knelt in the garden and suffered for all of us. So often, we think of him suffering for our sins, which he, of course, did. But I want to focus on him suffering “the pains of the world”. Christ didn’t just suffer for our sins, he suffered everything we would ever feel. He suffered the pain I’m sure my mother-in-law went through when she found my husband, then a teenager, with a knife to his chest. He suffered the pain my clinically depressed friend went through when her bipolar father died. He suffered every pain imaginable and I know he knows what I go through daily. He is intimately familiar with everything I felt when I just couldn’t handle my mission anymore. He knows what it feels like when you can’t feel the spirit. He knows the pain of all mankind, and that includes me. And you. And because of that, he’s able to love us more than we can even comprehend.
When I learned of my husband’s suicide attempt, I sobbed. Partly out of sympathy, but mostly out of pure and absolute gratitude. What if Heavenly Father hadn’t prompted his mother to come in at that exact moment? What if my husband had been successful? I can’t, and don’t want to, imagine what life would be like without him. I’d never know that life could be this amazing because he wouldn’t have been here. He, and I, are forever grateful for the love of Christ and God that made it possible for him to be sitting next to me right now.
How incredible is Easter when we celebrate the day Christ rose again? But how incredible too, was that night in the garden, where he learned how to love us as much as he does.