It’s amazing when I look back and remember the times I was suicidal. I thought I wasn’t loved, that I was a useless waste of space. I don’t feel that way anymore. Below is a picture of me at my work desk yesterday. They decorated and made me feel so loved! Everyone signed a card telling me happy birthday and all my coworkers said it, some multiple times, throughout the day.
I also hung out with my family, them skipping friend time or dates on my birthday just to play games and eat pizza with me. I got a Kitchen Aid mixer that I’ve been wanting for YEARS and new shoes for work, which are uber comfy. I had an amazing birthday and it was such a stark difference to the years in the past when I felt ignored. I never really was ignored, but the depression made me think I was. My depression is under control and I no longer listen to the stupid voices in my head telling me I’m pointless. Those voices are even fading! When you don’t give them power over you, they lose their voice.
I want you to know that it gets better. It might take years, but it gets better. My husband once held a knife to his own chest with every intention of shoving it in. He held onto the thought even after he was stopped and it took a long time for the urge to do that to go away. But he wouldn’t ever dream of doing something like that now and he’s so grateful that he didn’t get the chance as a teen. So, it gets better. Just trust me. Stay alive, because the best is yet to come.